vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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