I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
