i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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