i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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