she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
