I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
