shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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