Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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