My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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