K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
