I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
