Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
