The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
