i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
