I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
