yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
