I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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