There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
