I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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