Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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