Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
