About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just gift wrapped bread.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
