someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
