What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
