I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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