So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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