First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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