yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
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my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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