being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
