I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
