What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
