I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
