I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can text with my tongue
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize