I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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