I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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