Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
