I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
