He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
