really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
