she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
