It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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