I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
