He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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