in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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