I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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