I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
