i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
