I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
