I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.