Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.