He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?