Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine