This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!