For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..