im about as happy as oj after his trial
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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