i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
