I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
