Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
