At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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