the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
