Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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