went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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