I am spending my child support on dildos
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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