I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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