and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
