He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
