The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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